Victory Over Purpose/Purpose Over Victory

1. Why am I here?

That will always be a mystery to me, to everyone. It’s a question that makes you think. I’m in the battle with myself, with adolescence , with existential crisis. I exist to repopulate the earth, then disintegrate into dust. It’s everyone’s fate- scientifically. But enough with my pessimism, I truly do not know why I am here. There are some speculations inside me that say my purpose is to find something I do not have. What was I missing out on?

Well, it’s a thing called Happiness. No one can be happy 24/7 and if they are, do you think it’s genuine happiness? All I was missing was happiness with myself, with the things I have, and all those around me. I guess I can start with self-respect but I can’t seem to achieve the highest level of happiness at the moment.

I’m on this constant battle with myself and reality, I know why I feel unhappy, but I keep running away from it. I guess I realized all this through an anime (quite nerdy of me, huh.).

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I never knew true happiness because I kept running away from it, there were my classmates who wanted to help- but I ran away thinking I would get hurt when in fact, I had to get hurt to be happy. I always thought happiness was a world without pain and without uncertainty. However, now that I somewhat realize in myself an answer to- “Why”, I have to work on myself to not run away from opportunities to make myself happy.

The screenshots I attached reflect how I react to the world, I always complain that nobody understands my problems when I didn’t take the time to realize other people had problems. That just meant I was never happy with how I live, I was never happy with the things I had.

I guess it’s time I understand people to be happy, I can’t help it sometimes, humans are selfish, but I have to understand. I also need to get hurt to understand in the process, no pain, no gain!

Why am I here? To achieve happiness. To understand people. To know this world isn’t a world without pain and uncertainty.

2. What is my mission in life?

My mission in life connects with why I’m here, I want to make others happy. Happiness is a win-win situation, one is happy, the other one’s happy. After fulfilling the “Why”, I should fulfill the “What”. When I was 10 to when I was 13, I blinded myself with the vision that my mission was to get praise from others. I always wanted to be praised by my teachers, my parents, and my peers. However, I realized the first person who could validate me is me. If respecting myself makes me happy, then I can make others happy. I’m called to make others happy, in my dorky ways.

3. What is life calling me to do?

This is who I’m called to be, at least that’s what I thought when I first discovered Rodney Alan Greenblat. I was teased, bullied, and called out for liking him so much to the point I SWORE that I was going to be on his level. But am I called to be him? Am I called to be a carbon-copy of him?

Life called me through a dream, Life called me when I returned to my womb- that night when I accidentally cut my thumb and I was sick, I was looking through Rodney Greenblat’s art and projects, and I realized that my range was limited unlike him. Life called me to create things that would benefit others. I was called to work and stand for minorities. I was called to draw, I was called to enjoy the things I had, I was called to happy and do things that made me happy.

Trying everything to be like Rodney Greenblat made me unhappy, I felt so pressured and untalented and I realized that I was supposed to imitate his happiness and child-likeness. Isn’t that the way to go? Being happy, and doing the things I love (aka drawing for Rodney’s works and myself). Life calls me to draw for myself and spread happiness.

4. What do I want most in life?

Easy, it’s a one-way thing called Happiness, and what exactly is this?

Happiness with myself, one morning will come where I’ll be happy with my body and my obscure personality, which I’m slowly progressing towards.

Happiness with the things I have, it’s tempting to consume more and more when new cute trendy and unnecessary keep getting released every day but what’s not to love about the things I own? I’m happy with the 20 stuffed toys I have, I’m happy with the clothes I wear, and I’m happy there’s food on the table.

Happiness with the world, chaotic world OK.

5. Who am I 10 years from now?

I’m a 25 year old animator/illustrator working for a comic company, waiting for my greenlight for a cartoon pitch. I guess I’ll be running on tea and caffeine by then but I’m happy for sure.

For now, 15 year old dork in the manger, failing miserably at Geometry, with high hopes for my future- I’M WORKING ON IT!

6. What is one thing I want people to remember me for?

I want to be remembered as someone who believed in nothing (15 year old Julianne) and believed in everything (Future Julianne).

I am Julianne Inumerable, working to be happy, and I believe in everything and nothing- people who want to remember that, take down notes.

12 Gifts and a Pilgrimage to Redemption (and gold?)

The Ultimate gift is a movie based around the life of Jason, a stubborn young adult, who struggles to find himself. Mr. Hamilton (lawyer and “the Grinch” as portrayed by Jason) shows him a series of video recordings from his grandfather, Red Stevens, who promises him 12 gifts and what he calls- “The Ultimate Gift”. These gifts however are not material gifts but gifts every one can apply to become a better person. The gift of Work tells one that they need to pursue to get what they desire which is connected to The gift of Money which one must earn and save. The gift of Friends makes one learn to make friends even without expecting something in return. The gift of Laughter tells one to enjoy life and its contents. The gift of Problems makes one think about their decisions deeply and reflect what they want to do and how they can improve in life. The gift of Giving tells one to be generous with resources. Family is also a gift for one must acknowledge that the Family loves, accepts, and encourages one another. The gift of Learning makes a person open and wiser. The gift of Gratitude explains how one must be thankful for everything they received and makes them content with life’s contents. The gift of A Day is a gift most people take for granted, it says that one must be thankful for all that one has experienced in a day. The Gift of Love helps you realize how to appreciate, cherish, and accept one unconditionally.

Jason is a persistent and stubborn teenager. He is the epitome of the modern young adult who loved to party, drink, and date while living the best American lifestyle. However, catching up with him was financial debt, getting himself homeless, and the need for human interaction to redeem himself the “ultimate gift”. However, he never really noticed how he had changed, thinking he was just moving with time to get whatever amount of gold or cash that is being promised to him. From stubborn to confused to guilty to working to loving to happy to satisfied, Jason suddenly helped himself get back on his feet as a better person.

Emily helped Jason learn how to love. She helped him appreciate all he had while keeping a sarcastic but clever exterior. Emily’s innocence broke then built Jason and made him think- “Is she worth helping? Is she worth loving?” and she became his main inspiration to keep going for The Ultimate Gift. In the end, he built an institution named after her to honor her part in helping him in his redemption.

Personally, I am working on my Gift of a Day. I always take days for granted. I always tell myself that I just need to get up and go to school and be stoic or sad the entire time, but really, wasn’t I supposed to enjoy going to school, meeting my wonderful classmates, and laughing and discussing with them? The Gift of A Day is important, because one day, I would be removed from this world and I’ll never see what a day was like ever again.

My favorite part of the movie was the Abduction Scene, it was a part of my realization that I must enjoy a day. There are so many people out there who can not see a good day or even enjoy it, so as a free human, I must make the choice to enjoy my days here on this world.

Chaotic World. Ok. : A take and talk on Bullying and Discrimination.

For me, Bullying is the act of verbally or physically affecting negatively a person. It is considered a form of abuse. Bullying varies from physical fighting, gossiping, rumor-spreading, appearance judging, and degrading. Due to the harrassment, the victim may begin to develop a low self-esteem, self loathing, possible PTSD, panic attacks, and worse, suicide.

Bullying is always a common theme in cartoons, movies, comics, and books, one of the most popular examples being Dork Diaries. Dork Diaries centers around Nikki (the “unpopular” girl stereotype) who gets constantly abused and hurt by McKenzie (the “blonde rich girl” stereotype). If you read or watch many of these shows and books centered around bullying, there is a pattern. STEREOTYPES.

According to Cambridge English Dictionary, Stereotype is an idea that is used to describe a particular type of person or thing. Stereotypes are an easy (and rather lazy) way to create personalities for characters (unless you’d like to break the rich-and-blonde stereotype by writing someone like Draco Malfoy). If media continues carbon-copying characters in a certain stereotype, children, teens, and adults will follow. This will lead to descrimination.

So with knowing this hidden but obvious factor of bullying, how can we stop it? Stand your ground. If one decides to bully you because you’re “the weird kid”, let them babble all they want because you know it is not true, only you can know you. If one strikes you on the left cheek, offer them the right. They may have everyone’s power because they’re popular, but they will never have your obedience. Break the stereotypes. Goose the media. Raise your tiny fist in the air, proclaiming that you can be yourself, no matter how “weird” or “random” you are. You can always spread kindness. Kill them with kindness. Rodney Greenblat once said, “No matter how silly or obscure, let’s brighten the world.”, and maybe we all can do that. By being ourselves, promoting anti-violence, love, and acceptance, we can brighten up the world. Bullying will never disappear, but we can still live and carry on in a world of judgement. Chaiotic World, Ok.